TRIGGER WARNING!! The link at he bottom of this page is directly leading to images of artwork, derived from personal flash -backs and fragments of memories about sadistic / ritual abuse. Do not look at these pictures when you suffer from psycho-trauma, or when you have no intention to see this transformed artwork,which remain shocking images.
Introduction: why publish this type of ‘art?’
In 1993, I came in a sudden shock , while I was busy making nice paintings and portraits. During this shock and in long- term reaction on this during the next years , I painted hundreds of paintings in all kinds of techniques, about flash -backs and fragments of memories that overwhelmed m and came back into me. The first years I had to live with this till finally I asked for help and got some therapy which was not helping me much with this.
The question for me was, whether to keep this to myself or not. Flash backs are very personal, are taken from my life and repeatedly show fragments of a totally different world that dissociated from my daily life. But what life did I get? Did I ever had something to decide in this life? What was my life based upon? My life partially was based upon what is visible in these flashbacks, I had and have to live with this , even the people around me do not know this.
These flashbacks represent the problems I had in childhood, when I had these flash backs disturbing my daily life when I walked to school or anywhere in my life, in the classroom, in church, in the streets, most of all before I was going to sleep. . It was very hard to live with this. It finally became dissociated when I was eleven , I wrote about that at this blog in the story about sadistic abuse and dissociation entitled “Even the light was dark”
In case of sadistic abuse, it is not understood what impact this has in your life. You can tell stories, try to explain, write about what it is like , but often artwork, images will tell you more than thousand words. The only purpose to spread these images is, to show people things happen that are horrible and are difficult to explain and give a place in your life..So I hope such images would show more directly what it is about, such things, I keep repeatedly in my head, not because I am crazy, but because once, this was a real part of my life.
The images are stored behind the following link.